When/why did I write this: A song that I liked, had a music video with a story I did not like, so I wrote a story of my own.
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And then five years after they had last met, he saw her again in the market. It was a crowded place, but somehow for him, she stood out alone. She still looked the same. He saw that she still braided her hair with a few strands intentionally left out. He saw that she still had the same confident smile on her face that no one could ever miss. He saw that she still had the same nervousness in her eyes that no one ever noticed. He saw that the passing strangers still noticed her and that she still did not notice this fact. He saw her lost gaze following a pool of thoughts that she was engulfed in. And yes, he saw some part of himself in her.
Some lost part of himself that he himself had not seen in the last five years. The one who could smile effortlessly. The one who could run around, feel free, feel himself. The one who was kid, but made much better decisions. The one who did not judge anyone, even himself. The one with just some childish mistakes. The one who did not cry behind locked bathroom doors. The one who searched for the best in everyone. The one who would have surely handled any darkness that life threw at him without surrendering himself to the same. The one he was so sure she was in love with.
And he had not realized this in a long time, but he badly, miserably wanted to be that boy.
His eyes were suddenly filled with overwhelming memories, making their way to the world outside in form of tears. He was sure that he was still in love with her and it was one of the things that had not changed about him, but this feeling of emptiness that he had begun to acknowledge just now was not because of her, but because of what he had been back when they were together. Back when he wanted to grow up fast. Back when he did not realize that growing up has nothing to do with age.
And then suddenly, her eyes were on him. A startling fear took over him. He knew she would know its him, but would she recognize him?
His fears melted as he saw her looking at him. It was as is she could see right past the mask he had been wearing for so long. Just as he could see through hers. How had he not noticed before? Her eyes, earlier home, to brightness , nervousness and warmth now also accompanied some emptiness in them. Maybe he was not the only one who had changed. She looked at him for a few seconds without blinking, with a still face, right before her lips broke into a watery smile. And for the first time in a few years he was also smiling in the same shy manner in which he used to before. And then he could see her memories making way to her eyes just as they did to his’.
As they now start walking towards each-other, both of them realize that they are not just walking towards old friends but their old lives, their old selves and most importantly, new beginnings.
ANUKRITI 